


From Hobbiton With Love

by Dimity Blue (Arnie)



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst, Eventual Happy Ending, Humor, James Bond References, M/M, Mutual Pining, Post-Battle of Five Armies, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:22:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24270520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arnie/pseuds/Dimity%20Blue
Summary: The Battle of the Five Armies is over with everyone surviving. Back in the Shire, a lonely Bilbo turns to writing novels about "Noti the Spymaster". They're surprisingly popular, especially in Erebor.
Relationships: Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield
Comments: 45
Kudos: 364





	From Hobbiton With Love

Bilbo looked around his cosy smial. Everything was finally back the way it had been. His chair was in its corner, his books on their shelves, his parents' portraits above the mantle... He'd even managed to get all his spoons back from Lobelia.

His home was exactly as it had been before thirteen Dwarves had barged into his life and his pantry and changed _everything_.

Bilbo sighed. It was a shame he couldn't have parted from them on good terms instead of being banished from Erebor forever. Instead, he'd stolen the Arkenstone, infuriated Thorin, and been branded a traitor. Well, he'd acted with the best of intentions. It was a shame Thorin couldn't see that.

At least Bilbo knew that all the Dwarves he cared so very much for had survived the Battle of the Five Armies and were all living happily together in Erebor. Without Bilbo, who was happily living alone in the Shire. Really, it had all worked out for the best.

~'~

Three months later, Bilbo was still reminding himself it had worked out for the best. He shopped in the market and thought of Dale and hoped it was now rebuilt and doing a bustling trade. Balin had mentioned the various stalls there'd been - traders from all over Middle Earth had travelled there to sell their goods. He heard Otho Proudfoot's booming laugh and was reminded of Dwalin, who couldn't do anything quietly. A visit to his tailor for a new coat brought back memories of Dori and the sewing kit he carried with him. Even buying a new book led to thoughts of Ori and his hopes that Erebor's library was still intact.

At which point Bilbo put the book down and stomped his way back to Bag End with the feeling that he was being haunted by thirteen ghosts of people who were very much alive. And happily living in Erebor without him.

Bilbo stared at his front door and the mark Gandalf had left there. Gandalf had been right: Bilbo wasn't the same. He just didn't know what to do about it.

~'~

The long winter months set in and Bilbo stocked up on essentials. His pantry was full to bursting before the first storm set in, and Bilbo watched the snowflakes swirl against his window. If he wanted, he needn't step outside until spring arrived. And yet, the quiet of his smial held no attraction for him. What wouldn't he have given to hear a group of Dwarves singing about their lost home, or even see them throwing his plates and cutlery around while they washed up?

Bilbo leaned his forehead against the cold window pane. They were gone. His home would never hear the sounds of their voices again. It was time he accepted it and moved on instead of clinging to the past.

With that in mind, Bilbo kept himself busy. Every morning, if the weather allowed, he'd go to the market or visit those of his friends and neighbours who were still talking to him. It seemed a good number of Shirefolk were convinced 'adventuring' was something you could catch and more than one neighbour disappeared indoors before Bilbo could get near them.

Not Lobelia though. No. She went out of her way to catch him in the street to once again express her disappointment at his wayward behaviour. On more than one occasion Bilbo had avoided her by taking refuge in a neighbour's vegetable patch, which didn't help his reputation.

In the afternoons, Bilbo wrote. His neighbours might think him odd, but his books were selling like hotcakes. His publisher was especially pleased with how his "Noti the Spymaster" series was going.

It seemed home was thirteen dwarves and a mountain that was half a world away and, if Bilbo couldn't be there in reality, he could be there in his imagination.

~'~

_Noti strode into the marketplace, his nimble fingers ready to pull a knife from its hiding place and send it flying into the traitor's heart. "Unhand my brother!" he demanded._

_Instead, Oti's head was yanked further back and the threatening blade pressed harder against his vulnerable neck. "Not so fast, Spymaster!" the black-hearted villain spat. "Did you bring the Heartstone?"_

_Noti raised a hand and the light of the Heartstone shone between his fingers. "I did."_

_"Then hand it over."_

_The priceless stone was sent spinning across the ground. "Take it and release my brother!" Noti -_

"Ori! You're supposed to be asleep, not reading in bed!"

Ori jumped and almost dropped his book, which made it easy for Dori to swipe it from him.

" _The Spymaster Who Loved Me_. Really, Ori?" Dori tutted his disapproval. "Go to sleep and stop wasting your sleeping hours on this rubbish."

"But -"

"Goodnight, Ori." Dori blew out his candle and the door closed firmly behind him.

Ori snuggled down in bed. It was typical of Dori that he wouldn't listen. The _Spymaster_ books weren't rubbish - they were so true to life! Ori had been particularly taken with this one about Noti's brothers, Doti and Oti, and especially poor Oti's struggles with his eldest brother being unable to see him as an adult. Oh, well. If Dori wouldn't give his book back, Ori could borrow a copy from Nori.

~'~

Nori raised his eyebrows as Dori stalked into the sitting room and tossed a book at him before continuing to pour tea.

"I blame you for this, Nori. If you hadn't filled the lad's head with tales about your work, he wouldn't be reading such rubbish."

" _The Spymaster Who..._ Oh, you can't blame me. I've barely said a word about my work! You know Fíli and Kíli read these too?"

"What _Their Highnesses_ choose to read is up to them," Dori replied, repressively. "Ori needs to pay attention to his books."

Nori rolled his eyes. "We're members of the Company; we don't need to stand on ceremony with them." Nori would have paid a month of his wages to see their faces if he did. "And Ori spends too much time reading serious books. He needs to relax too."

"But trash like that?"

"I'm not saying it's Wíli Shakespeare, but it's not that bad. Maybe you should give it a go." Nori sipped his tea before adding, "I saw Thorin reading _Golden Eyes_ this morning. And, I know! It's 'His Majesty'! Anyway, if you read it, you'll be able to tell if it's trash or not."

Dori looked thoughtful. "I don't know..."

"You could do with something to relax you after spending so much time sewing. I know you love your job as Royal Tailor -" Nori broke off, not wanting to point out - again - that Dori could delegate a lot more of his sewing than he did. "Anyway, try the first book. I've just finished re-reading it."

Dori took the book and read the title aloud. " _The Dwarf With The Golden Axe_. What nonsense!"

Nori dunked a biscuit in his tea and ignored the disapproving look it got him. "Just give it a go."

~'~

Dori did. Not because he believed his brother but because he wanted to prove him wrong. Instead, he found himself enthralled. It wasn't just the plot - which involved the King's rough mannered but steadfastly loyal bodyguard and his determination to protect his King and friend - but the author's affection for his main characters was obvious and endearing. Dori felt a lot of sympathy for Noti's eldest brother especially. His worries for his two younger brothers rang particularly true for Dori, for while Noti was out risking life and limb for their King, Oti, the youngest brother, was serving the King as Chief Scribe and being drawn into all manner of political plots.

At least that was one worry Dori didn't have as Ori was Erebor's Master Librarian. However, Ori's position was high enough that it sometimes kept Dori awake.

Shaking his head at the naivety of young brothers, Dori turned his attention back to the pages where Dwarrin's loyalties were being torn in two, for his elder brother, Barrin (the King's oldest and most trusted advisor), seemed involved in the plot against the King. Dori turned the pages quickly, hardly daring to breathe as the night wore on. Surely Barrin couldn't be so disloyal? What would Dwarrin do?

~'~

Not so far away, Dwalin threw his book at the wall and blew out his candle. What drek! He gave a huff of annoyance and folded his arms under his head. As though Dwarrin wouldn't know if Barrin was disloyal! The author - whose name Dwalin couldn't remember - needed a good arse-kicking. He'd obviously never met anyone like Dwarrin or Barrin or he'd know how impossible it was for Barrin to be anything but loyal and for Dwarrin to be anything but sure of his brother's heart.

After an hour's tossing and turning, Dwalin lit his candle and got out of bed to find the book.

Thirty seven minutes later, he closed the book with a satisfied smile. Of course Barrin was loyal - Dwalin had seen that all along. Naturally, once his brother's innocence was established, Dwarrin had teamed up with the King's Spymaster to track the miscreants down and make them pay.

~'~

Balin looked at the book as his brother pushed it across his cluttered desk. "I don't really have time for - oh, that book. Aye, I've read it. It was verra interesting. Dwarrin is certainly a fascinating character."

Dwalin had a distinctly pleased look about him and Balin was starting to wonder if he was the only one who'd noticed certain similarities.

"But do you not think, brother, that it's based on dwarves we know?" Balin asked.

"Like who?"

"Well, Dwarrin and Barrin, for instance. Doesn't it remind you of you and me?"

"It's just a coincidence."

"Really?" Balin flicked through the pages until he found the description of Dwarrin. "A tall, imposing warrior of a dwarf, with a bald head and tattoos. And later on it mentions your knuckledusters!"

Dwalin shrugged. "What would you expect a King's bodyguard to look like? Ori?"

"No, but -"

"It's just a story, Balin. Now I have go beat up Thorin before he gets flabby from sitting on that throne all day."

Balin was left to gaze at the cover, the author's name emblazoned at the bottom. "Well, Master B. B. Enderby, just who are you?"

~'~

Thorin was deep in the pages of _Golden Eyes_ when he heard Dwalin bang on his door. Mahal's teeth, was it that time already? He shoved the book down behind the cushion of his chair and was up and over by the fire by the time Dwalin came in.

"Ready for a beating, Your Majesty?"

"I'm ready to give you a beating, you mean."

Dwalin gave him a feral grin. "We'll see."

By the time they'd finished battering each other and any guards foolish enough to wander past, Thorin felt pleasantly tired and as though he'd given his muscles a good workout. If only he could do that to the high ranking nobles who were jockeying for prominent positions in his court. Taken with a pleasant daydream about punching Lord Kiron, he wandered back to his rooms only to find Dís in his chair with a book in her hands.

"What's this?"

For a moment, he thought it was _Golden Eyes_ , but a glance at the cover reassured him it was _The Dwarf With The Golden Axe_. He'd already read that one and could therefore deny all knowledge without having to retrieve the book later. "It must be Fíli's."

Amused blue eyes met his. "It was on your desk."

"I'm not so possessive of my desk that Fíli can't leave a book on it. I might remind you these are my private quarters, but you're in here."

She gave a snort. "I'm your sister."

"Which is why I haven't thrown you out yet." Thorin went through to his bathroom and turned on the taps. "What?"

"I said, 'when will you bring Bilbo Baggins back to the mountain?'"

Thorin stopped. Trust Dís to harp on that subject again. "Master Baggins was homesick. It was always understood that he'd be returning to the Shire once Erebor was reclaimed."

"So he faced the dragon, saved your sorry behind, and was pushed out of the front gates with barely a thanks."

"He was paid!" And Thorin would have begged him to stay. Would have but couldn't. Bilbo had left before Thorin was even conscious after his fight with Azog.

"Did you add an extra coin or two for going above and beyond his contract?" Dís asked sweetly.

Thorin reminded himself he was king and could, theoretically, have Dís arrested and locked up. Maybe he could get Dwalin drunk enough to do it too.

"Fíli and Kíli miss him, you know. All the Company do. They consider him to be family." She paused, possibly waiting for a response, then added, "I would have liked to have met the hobbit who saved my heart from breaking." When he remained silent, she continued, "I'll leave you to your bath, brother."

The door closed behind her and Thorin forced himself to unclench his fists. He would have liked Bilbo to meet Dís, would have liked Bilbo to spend the rest of his life in Erebor, even if Bilbo no longer had interest in anything more than friendship from Thorin. However, his actions on the rampart, his attempt to kill Bilbo, had put such dreams beyond the hope of ever coming true.

~'~

Dís strolled down the corridor to her sons' rooms. Thorin really was impossible at times. Why could he not have invited the hobbit to stay? Master Baggins had more than earned a place in the mountain; he'd earned the gratitude of every dwarf of Erebor - Dís's own brother included. Dís herself owed him a debt she could never hope to repay; she'd lived through the death of one beloved brother already.

Opening the door to her sons' set of rooms, Dís found herself in the presence of another to whom she owed a huge debt. Óin openly acknowledged that it was thanks to the Lady Tauriel and the other elvish healers that Dís's sons were alive and as well healed as they were. Therefore, while Dís would not have chosen an elf as her future daughter-in-law, she accepted Tauriel with gratitude. Far better an elvish daughter-in-law than to have her precious younger son follow his father into Mahal's Halls at such a young age.

"Princess Dís." Tauriel gave her a curtsey before continuing out into the corridor.

Kíli cast aside the book he'd picked up and bounded over to hug Dís. "Amad!"

"You do not accompany Tauriel?"

Kíli pulled a face. "She's on duty in the Healing Halls. I'm only allowed in if I'm injured."

Dís raised an eyebrow in enquiry but it was ignored, meaning Kíli deserved his banishment.

"Now you may keep me company!"

"Where is Fíli?"

"In Dale. I am all alone and very bored!" Kíli spread out his arms to show just how alone he was.

Dís wished Óin would have shown mercy on Erebor and let Kíli avoid boredom by mooning over Tauriel. A bored Kíli was a dangerous thing. "Is that another of those _Spymaster_ books?" she asked.

"I wish! I've lent all my copies to everyone else."

"Is this yours then?" Dís held up the book she carried. "It was in your uncle's rooms."

"Mine or Fíli's." Kíli took it from her. "But he won't mind me re-reading it."

"You're re-reading the books?" Dís was surprised as Kíli had never been a fan of reading.

"They're... There's something about them." Kíli smiled, almost to himself. "They're like an old familiar friend. There's a new one due out soon and I can't wait to read it!"

"What are they about, then?" Dís looked at the book in his hands. It was such a small thing to cause such excitement.

"You haven't read them! Oh, you must! Here. I'll wait until you're done with it."

Dís took the book doubtfully. "I'll return it to you tomorrow. Now, give me some tea and tell me what you've been doing today."

~'~

Dís did return the book, but only so she could borrow the others.

Fíli gave her a knowing grin. "You too, Ma?"

"Don't call me that," Dís said absently. "Is this all there is? Only four?"

"The next book is due out soon," Fíli said.

"The traders said it might be as soon as next month!" Kíli added. He took _The Dwarf With The Golden Axe_ off Fíli, who promptly took it back.

"I've been waiting for that."

"So have I!" Kíli tried to snatch it only to have Fíli hold it out of his reach while fending him off with the other hand.

"You'll have to wait your turn, little brother."

"I'm taller than you!"

Dís left them to it.

~'~

The following month saw a number of inhabitants of the once Lonely Mountain making several trips to the ramparts so they could look out for any sign of the expected trade caravans.

Dís was surprised to encounter Bofur, who freely admitted he was waiting for the next _Spymaster_ book.

"You've read them," he said, smiling down at her from under his ridiculous hat. "You know how good they are."

"Is there anyone in the mountain who hasn't?"

"Well, I can't speak for everyone but my brother and my cousin are certainly fans of the series. And so is our king, unless I'm mistaken." Bofur nodded over her shoulder.

Dís turned in time to see Thorin give the crowded ramparts a disgusted look before he stomped back down the stairs again. Dís bit back a smile.

"One of the drawbacks of being king," Bofur said. "It's to be hoped someone gets him a copy."

Just then a cheer went up as the caravans had been sighted. Dís and Bofur waited until most of the crowd had gone, then made their way downstairs to the kitchens were Bombur worked as Head Cook.

Bofur gave a chuckle as they entered the kitchens. "You know, your brother gave us all titles and we're all wealthy beyond our dreams, but here we are working exactly the same jobs as we did before we left on the quest."

"Bombur was a cook then?"

"Oh aye, though the canteen he worked in wasn't a patch on this. Bifur and I were working as toy makers and still are, though we have a fine Royal Crest over the doors to our shop. Young Ori over there, though, was trying to find work as a scribe and now he's Master Librarian. Maybe him and Nori are the only ones whose jobs have changed much. Oi, Bombur! The caravans have been sighted!"

"So I've heard," Bombur replied as he approached. "You'll have to be quicker than that with news. Princess Dís, may I serve you today?" He gave her a deep bow.

"I won't disturb you, Bombur, but thank you. I'll just help myself to coffee."

Naturally, that didn't happen and Dís was served with her own tray of coffee and biscuits.

Bofur filched a biscuit before sitting down with his own large mug of tea. "So you've been reading the _Spymaster_ stories," he said. "What do you think of them?"

"Kíli got me started. I didn't expect to be so enthralled by them but the similarities between the stories and the mountain are surprising."

"Oh, aye, you'll find everyone thinks they're in the stories."

"But surely some of you are!"

Bofur gave his head a scratch. "Well, now, I can't make up my mind if it's someone who heard about the quest or someone who knows us. See, the characters in these books, well, they could be us with changed but similar names - Bikur, Bokur, and Boldur instead of Bifur, Bofur, and Bombur, for instance - but there's no mention of Bilbo. Then, there's all these small things that surely only people who know us would get right. Bombur disliking dark bread, Bifur and his love for carving wood, Ori and his knitting."

"I've noticed the similarities myself!" Dís started laughing. "Dwarrin and Barrin, Fini and Kini! Even King Corin!"

"You see? 'Tis terribly puzzling."

"Maybe there'll be some clues in the next book," she suggested.

"Aye, we can hope!"

~'~

Although the caravans had been sighted, it would still be a few days before the traders arrived and set up their wares, so it was a surprise to Bofur when Fíli entered his shop and handed him and Bifur each a copy of a new _Spymaster_ book.

" _Gold Fever_. Is this...? It can't be!"

Beside him, Bifur gave a rumble of satisfaction.

Fíli grinned. "Kíli and I rode out to meet the caravans. We bought enough for everyone in the Company - plus Amad and Tauriel, of course. We would have got more but the booksellers had put a limit on how many one Dwarf could buy. We had to argue with them to get that!"

Bofur grinned. "Argue or bribe?"

"Well, maybe a bit of both. Now, if you'll excuse me. I have books to deliver!"

He left, his walk even jauntier than ever, and Bifur locked the shop door behind him. Bofur put up the closed sign and followed his brother into the back of the shop. He knew what every member of the Company would be doing that day.

~'~

Fíli strolled down to the treasury and asked to see the Lord Treasurer. Glóin was dedicated to his duty but he, like the rest of them, had a weakness for the books. And having a wealthy man on your side was a good thing. Who knew when Fíli might need a favour worth granting?

"Fíli! To what do I owe the pleasure?"

Fíli waited until the door swung shut and then took a copy of the book from out of his pack. "I thought you'd appreciate this."

"Mahal's blood! Is that what I think it is?"

"The very one."

"The caravans have arrived? I thought they were still a day away?"

"They are!" Fíli grinned. "Riders on horseback travel more swiftly. Kíli and I rode out to meet them."

"Good lads! I could make a small fortune if I sold this today but Hema and Gimli would have my beard. I'd best make sure to finish it before I go home!"

~'~

Fíli swung by the Healing Halls before heading back to the part of the mountain where the private Royal suites were. At first, he thought Óin wasn't on duty, but he found him with his head in a store cupboard counting jars of ointment and Fíli took the opportunity to ambush him from behind.

He regretted it almost immediately as Óin promptly threw him to the floor and put a knife to his neck before he realised who it was.

"Laddie, what do you think you're doing?"

Fíli accepted the hard hand that yanked him back to his feet. "I was sneaking up on you." Now he was wondering what went on in the Healing Halls that had kept Óin's skills honed to such a degree.

"Eh?" Óin raised his ear trumpet.

Fíli shook his head and handed over a copy of the book.

Óin took it quickly. "I didn't expect to see this yet. Many thanks, laddie, many thanks. And, next time, don't sneak up on someone in front of something they can use as a mirror."

Fíli looked at the shiny glass jars and retreated, leaving Óin triumphant.

~'~

Thorin sighed to himself as Lord Kiron bored on, once again trying to persuade Thorin that consolidating the Goldsmith, Silversmith, Metalwork, and Jewelwork Guilds into one - with himself as Head Guildmaster, of course - was a good idea. What Kiron didn't know was that Dís had threatened to lead the Guilds out on strike if Kiron was made Head of Anything Important At All, so Thorin couldn't even if he wanted to.

Lord Kiron seemed to think the right words would persuade him though.

Beside Thorin, Balin seemed about to fall asleep and Thorin gave him a kick. If he had to suffer, so did Balin, for Balin was the one who'd insisted Thorin had to listen to his Lords in the first place.

It had done Thorin no good to point out he had no problem listening to some Lords. Lord Bofur, for instance, always knew the best drinking songs and newest jokes, and Lord Dwalin had the most inventive insults; it was just gassy old windbags Thorin objected to listening to, but Balin had given him a disappointed look.

Thorin was about to declare a medical emergency ("Shut up or I will have to kill you.") when the door opened and Fíli poked his head in. Thorin scowled. Why wasn't Fíli being forced to listen as well? It would probably be character building for Fíli to find out his future involved being bored to death. Just then, Fíli derailed Thorin's thoughts by showing him a book.

By Durin's Stars, Fíli had the next _Spymaster_ book, _Gold Fever_. How, Thorin didn't know and didn't care.

Kiron twisted in his chair to look at the door and Thorin stood up. "I have to go."

Balin got up too. "Aye, there's that other meeting to get to."

"What meeting?" Kiron demanded.

"The King's a verra busy man," Balin said, repressively. "He's already given you more time than he should have."

Thorin was already halfway to the door.

~'~

Kíli barely looked up as Fíli came in. He was absently aware of someone talking but didn't bother listening. A hand blocked the page from view.

"I asked if you delivered a copy to Balin, Dwalin, and Bombur."

"And Tauriel and Amad." Kíli pulled his book free only for Fíli to put his hand on it again.

"I can see that for they're here reading."

"As should I be! Now stop interrupting me!"

Fíli apparently decided it was more important to catch up on his reading than to catch up on annoying Kíli.

It wasn't long, however, before the silence was broken by their mother demanding, " _Who_ is this author?!"

They all looked at her.

"Page 53," she said.

There was silence as they all flipped ahead, then Fíli and Kíli both burst out laughing.

"Uncle has an admirer!" Kíli said.

~'~

Thorin turned the page and eagerly read on. King Corin was in dire danger and only his loyal dwarves could save him. As Corin's gold fever worsened, Thorin felt himself redden. What a fool Corin was! The king's honour was worth more than all the gold in any mountain. But (as Thorin could attest) it was hard to think with gold sickness inflaming your blood. Fortunately, Corin's dwarves were determined and steadfast, and the magnificent warrior king -

Thorin re-read that bit. "Magnificent warrior king." Well, he supposed Corin was fairly magnificent. The author certainly seemed convinced of it. He'd always been complimentary about Corin, but he'd really laid it on in this book as he spent a number of lines detailing Corin's strong build and broad shoulders. The author seemed quite taken with Corin's looks too, dwelling on Corin's long dark hair that fell like a silken curtain over his noble brow and his piercing eyes the colour of the sky.

Turning to the front cover, Thorin re-read the author's name: B. B. Enderby. Whoever he was, he was very talented. Thorin could practically see Corin in his mind's eye. Yes, he supposed magnificent was a good description of the king.

Back to the story, and Thorin felt a deep satisfaction as Corin threw off the fever that threatened to turn him into a wreck of his former self and marched forth, his Spymaster at his side, to defeat his enemies and protect his throne and sister-sons.

By the time the afternoon was over, Thorin had finished the book. He wandered over to the mirror and gazed into it. It wasn't the first time his eyes had been compared to the summer sky; his own mother had done so on occasion. As for his "strong, white teeth and tender smile"... Thorin smiled and stared at his mouth. Was it a tender smile? He wasn't sure he could judge. Well, not that he was Corin, of course, but there were similarities.

Thorin stopped smiling. Were there similarities aside from the names? He thought there were. All the members of his Company were lovingly described in glowing terms and given similar sounding names. Noti was Nori, Dwarrin was Dwalin, Barrin was Balin, etc. Which meant the devastatingly attractive King Corin of Evermore was King Thorin of Erebor. "Devastatingly attractive." Well.

Thorin couldn't remember when anyone had described him as devastatingly attractive. It was a shame he couldn't meet this Master Enderby in person.

~'~

Balin smiled to himself as he put the book down. He'd had his suspicions before but now he was certain of the mysterious author's identity. It was no surprise, really, but he was rather unsure as to what he could do to resolve the situation. It was possible Master Gandalf would be able to give him some advice - if only Balin could get hold of him.

There was a knock at his door and Princess Dís came in. Balin stood and bowed, though she waved him back to his seat immediately.

"Have you finished _Gold Fever_?" she asked.

Balin's eyebrows rose at the abrupt question. Of all things, he hadn't expected that but then, the books were on everyone's mind. "Aye, that I have. It was verra entertaining."

Dís leaned forward, her gaze intent. "Do you think the author could be Master Baggins?"

It was a relief to find he wasn't the only one who thought so, but Balin had a slight advantage over the princess. "I'm sure of it!"

"How? How are you so sure? Master Baggins doesn't appear in the books."

"He might not but..." Well, there was no harm in telling. Balin had already confessed the truth to Thorin some time ago. "When your brother was in the throes of gold sickness and the Arkenstone could'na be found, Bilbo approached me and asked if it would help Thorin's condition if the Arkenstone was restored to him. I knew it was the last thing Thorin needed. I was also sure Bilbo had the Arkenstone and was keeping it hidden for Thorin's sake."

"But in the book -"

"Aye. In the book, it's Noti who has the Heartstone but the conversation is the same, I'd swear to it. Bilbo and I were the only ones aware of that conversation, and I didn't write the books."

Dís was silent for a moment, then, "Do you believe Master Baggins is in love with my brother?"

Balin nodded. "I've never seen anyone more in love." He sighed. "Letting him leave was the biggest mistake I ever made, but he was adamant he could'na stay. I thought Thorin would go after him but he only asked for him the one time after he woke."

"And Master Baggins had already left by then."

"Aye, and he's never spoken of him to me since."

"Why won't Thorin go after Master Baggins?" Dís demanded. "Everyone misses him. Surely, he would be happy to revisit Erebor?"

"I truly think Thorin would expect any invitation to be rejected. When Thorin discovered Bilbo had the Arkenstone, he reacted verra badly and tried to throw Bilbo from the ramparts."

"But Master Baggins returned after that and saved his life! If he didn't care for my brother, why would he do such a thing?"

Balin shook his head. "I'm convinced Bilbo still loves your brother and these books are proof of it."

Dís sat up straight. "That's it! Thorin can't deny Master Baggins's love for him when it's in every line he uses to describe Corin."

"He may not believe Bilbo is B. B. Enderby."

"You can convince him. That conversation you described - that proves it."

"Aye." Balin smiled. "Aye, so it does. If you'll excuse me, your highness, I must go talk with your brother."

"Excuse you? I'm coming with you. I'm going to listen at the door!"

~'~

Thorin found himself dithering when someone knocked at his door. He didn't want to be caught lingering over the flattering lines in _Gold Fever_ , so he made to hide the book behind the cushion on his chair, only to stop at the last second. Whoever could reach his private quarters would know Fíli gave him the book. Would it be more incriminating to have the book in his hands or to have finished it? Did it matter? Should he -

The knock sounded again and Thorin hastily tossed the book onto his desk and called, "Come in!"

Balin entered and carefully closed the door behind him.

"Ah, Balin." Thorin wondered if that was too casual a greeting but Balin started talking so Thorin let it go.

"There's something I need to tell you."

"Oh?" Thorin glanced at the book in Balin's hands, then stared at it. Balin wasn't the author, was he? Thorin hoped not, truly he did. The idea of Balin describing him as "devastatingly attractive" was positively disturbing.

"I know who the author of these books is."

Thorin's alarm deepened. "Balin -"

"The author of these books is in love with you, Thorin. It's obvious to everyone who reads them."

Never before had Thorin hoped for an Orc attack, or a dragon attack, or for Thranduil to come visiting. No disaster in the making occurred to save him, so Thorin did his best to ward off calamity himself. "Balin -"

"I don't know what happened between you and Bilbo, but -"

Thorin leapt on the potential diversion. "I'm still in love with him." As Balin stared at him, Thorin continued, "There can never be anyone but Bilbo for me."

Balin looked confused. "Then why do you not go see him?"

"Because he... Because I... I destroyed his love."

"No, you haven't."

"Yes, I have." His heart aching within him, Thorin turned to the mantlepiece and stared down into the flames beneath it. "You saw me on the ramparts - I tried to kill him."

"Thorin, you weren't yourself. You were sick."

"Sick or not, I turned on one who'd been unfailingly loyal to me, to us. Whatever Bilbo thinks of me now, the best I can hope for is pity."

"There's not one word of pity in these books. On the contrary."

Thorin turned and stared at Balin. "The books. These books."

"Aye. They're written by Bilbo."

"Bilbo."

Balin gave him one of those looks. "Aye. Bilbo Baggins of the Shire. Our burglar. You do remember him, don't you?"

"Bilbo wrote the books." 

"That's what I've been telling you."

"Bilbo wrote the books. Bilbo wrote the books!" Thorin's inner voice added, " _Bilbo finds me devastatingly attractive._ "

"Are you alright, laddie?"

"Dís can stop listening at the door. I need to go to the Shire."

~'~

Bilbo dipped his pen into his inkwell and stared down at the page which bore a multitude of false starts. Introducing a love interest for King Corin was proving to be more difficult than he'd expected. Just thinking of Corin embracing someone had led to Bilbo being lost in bittersweet memories. Thorin's eyes, his smile, his tender kisses that had turned demanding... Bilbo blinked and cast a guilty look at the clock.

At least he'd only lost half an hour this afternoon. Yesterday, it had been almost two hours.

Bilbo scowled to himself and tore up the top sheet of paper. What was he thinking? He didn't want to imagine some silky-bearded dwarven beauty fluttering long eyelashes at Thorin. He needed to forget how it had felt to be loved by Thorin. Maybe it was time to stop writing his Spymaster series. Maybe it was time to stop thinking of Erebor and the dwarves he loved who dwelt there.

Tea. He'd make some tea and come back to his story later.

The tea was made and Bilbo was foraging in his pantry for a scone or two when there was a knock at the door. Grumbling to himself, Bilbo went to answer it. It would most likely be Lobelia about to make another try for his silverware. The woman was relentless. Bilbo yanked open his door but his, "Not today, thank you!" trailed off before the end of the first syllable.

Instead of his most irritating relative, (by marriage only, thankfully), his doorstep was occupied by Thorin, King Under the Mountain and Bilbo's ex-lover.

"Thorin!"

"Bilbo." Thorin's mouth turned up at the edges and Bilbo couldn't help but smile back. "May I come in?"

"Yes. Oh, yes." Bilbo stepped back. "How is your foot? Is it healed? Are you alright now?" Bilbo felt he was babbling as he hung up Thorin's cloak and led him into the kitchen.

"It's fine. I'm fine." There was a pause, then, "Are you B. B. Enderby?"

Bilbo turned to face him. "You came all this way for my autograph?"

"No."

"Then?"

For some reason Thorin looked as though he was about to charge into battle. Bilbo had seen that look many a time.

"I came to see if the words you wrote about me were true. If that's still how you see me." And he held out a well-worn copy of _Gold Fever_.

Bilbo felt himself turn red. If Thorin hadn't been standing between him and the door, Bilbo would have fled.

"Because, if they're true, if that's how you see me, I have to tell you what a fool I was for ever letting you go."

Bilbo managed to take his eyes off the book and meet Thorin's gaze.

"Everything you did was for my benefit. You were right to take the Arkenstone and use it as you did. I was lost in gold sickness and wouldn't listen to anyone. I was wrong to refuse to honour my word." Thorin took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I would have killed you though you were right and I was wrong." He pulled a dagger from his belt and handed it to Bilbo, then he dropped to his knees. "Take my beard, if you wish. Take my honour and my life. For they are yours by right."

Bilbo shook his head and put the dagger safely in the bread bin. "Thorin, I betrayed you. I lied to you and handed the Arkenstone over to your enemies. I don't blame you for your anger." Still Thorin knelt before him, waiting. "I forgive you and I hope you'll forgive me."

Thorin's warm, work-roughened hands encircled his wrists and tugged gently until Bilbo leaned forward. "There is nothing you have done that needs forgiving."

The words were breathed against his mouth and Bilbo couldn't help but press a kiss on Thorin's lips in return. They smiled beneath him.

"Master B. B. Enderby of the Shire, I believe we have much to discuss."

~'~

It was dark by the time there was another knock on his front door, and Bilbo scrambled up from his bed and grabbed for his trousers and dressing gown to make himself decent with.

"That'll be Dwalin," Thorin said from his pillows.

Bilbo hopped on one foot as he tried to drag his trousers on. "Has he come for supper?"

"They'll have eaten at the Green Dragon."

His trousers in place, Bilbo turned to stare at the king who was lounging in his bed. He was a magnificent sight in the candlelight but Bilbo refused to be distracted. "They?"

"The others." Thorin stretched, looking completely at ease. "Dwalin said he'd come by after dusk to see if you'd killed me or not."

Bilbo shook his head as he took the candle and left Thorin in darkness. As though Dwalin had actually been worried about that.

"Dwalin."

Dwalin looked him up and down and snickered.

Bilbo refused to blush.

"I take it the great lump apologised?"

"We've made up, yes."

"Good." Dwalin stomped past him into the kitchen. "What's for supper?"

By the time Thorin joined them, the table was laid and Dwalin was using Thorin's dagger to toast bread with.

"How long are we staying for?" Dwalin asked. "The others want to know."

Bilbo gave the pair of them a suspicious look. "How many of you are there?"

Thorin shrugged. "Most of the Company insisted on coming. Though Balin couldn't be spared, nor could Glóin or Óin. Fíli is ruling as Regent while I'm away, and Bombur is in charge of the kitchens and Dís refused to do without him."

Bilbo added up on his fingers. "So there's nine of you."

"Eight," Dwalin put in. "Nori couldn't be spared either. You should know that."

"Eight," Thorin agreed.

Bilbo relaxed a little. He'd had an unsettling suspicion Thorin had brought half the mountain with him. Hopefully, the six in the inn would behave themselves. The odds were low, though, seeing as those six included Kíli and Bofur.

"Plus the twenty soldiers camping near Harbottle," Thorin added. "Balin and Dís insisted we bring them as protection."

Bilbo buried his face in his hands. His reputation had no chance. "I know you've just got here, but when are you leaving?"

"When will you be ready?" Thorin asked.

"Me?"

Thorin frowned at him. "You're why I came here."

"Well, I know but I didn't realise you wanted me to go back with you."

"What do you think he came for?" Dwalin asked. As they both looked at him, he added, "Aside from the obvious."

Thorin gave Dwalin a long look and he rose to his feet.

"I'll be outside smoking a pipe."

As soon as he'd gone, Thorin turned back to Bilbo. "Bilbo, I want you to marry me."

The kitchen swam before Bilbo's eyes.

"I would have offered you marriage before but you left Erebor before I was awake."

The mist cleared. "But you banished me."

"I know I did but that was when I was sick. You surely didn't think you were still banished afterwards?"

"After Azog died, the only words you said to me were, 'I banished you'."

Thorin looked thunderstruck. "I had banished you - and, despite that, you returned to save my life. If it hadn't been for you, Azog would have killed me."

Bilbo stared at him. "I thought you were telling me to leave."

"Oh, Bilbo..."

Bilbo started to laugh. "I spent all that time writing the _Spymaster_ series because I thought I was still banished."

"And now you know you're not. Will you marry me? Will you come with me to Erebor and be my consort?"

It seemed there could be happy endings after all. Bilbo stopped laughing but his smile remained. "Yes. Yes, please."

It wasn't until several minutes later that Dwalin banged on the window to say the Green Dragon was on fire.

Thorin sighed and lifted Bilbo off his knee. "I told them to behave."

"And that's always worked so well in the past, has it?"

They went outside and watched as six dwarves slowly approached Bag End. Dori could be heard scolding them all and Bofur seemed to be missing part of his hat.

Thorin sighed again. "I should have made them stay at home."

~'~

_Noti strode through the secret doorway into the King and his Consort's private quarters. He ignored the yelling from his king and the consort as the consort tried to cover himself and the king leapt naked from the bed and reached for his sword._

_"Sires, we have a problem."_

_"You didn't tell me there was a secret passage into our bedroom!" Consort Bolbi shrieked._

_"I didn't know!" King Corin roared. "Noti, I'll have your head for this!"_

And they all lived happily ever after.

The end.


End file.
